How to Recognize your Value and Worth as a Single Woman
This year’s Valentine’s Day was on a Sunday. As I sat in church and listened to the sermon about the power of love, the statistics of sexual objectification of women since the 20th century in the media left me shaken.
Statistics show that some advertisement may not be complete without a woman provocatively dressed to draw the attention of potential consumers, even when it has nothing to do with the product. Also, in one particular study, 50 online Nigerian pop music videos were deliberately picked from amongst the top 100 online Nigerian pop music videos from the years 2014-2018. Data showed that sexual objectification of the female gender was the norm evident through revealing of female body parts. It is no different in many countries of the world.
The sexual objectification of women strongly influences the social construct of women not being seen beyond their sexuality.
I read a write-up about a young girl that went home to her close confidant who was many years her senior to celebrate her new-found man; a very rich dude who was head over heels in love with her. She kept gushing about how he was in love with her curves. Her friend turned to her and looked straight into her eyes and said: “Add something to these curves. Else, you have nothing”.
As a young woman, you are far more than your physical features or endowments. So, to truly understand your value and worth; you will need to prioritize investing in your personal development as much as you do for your physical looks. You have an unlimited potential which is beyond your looks.
Cases of domestic abuse and violence against women do not seem to be abating despite efforts of many women empowerment initiatives. But I believe a woman who knows her worth and value can hardly become a victim of these ills in the society.
So here, I share four things that can help you recognize your worth and value so you can be seen in a positive light by potential suitors and everyone in your circle.
Embrace yourself as you are. This means taking into cognizance your weaknesses and strengths. Do not sweep your weaknesses under the carpet. Develop strategies to dominate them. You may not be entirely able to overcome them, however, when the mind is set, change is cheap.
Measure what you can do or all that you have accomplished and own them with pride. Do not count any single stride you achieved as insignificant. It is the little wins that builds your muscle and capability for the big wins you are looking forward to in the future. Taking into cognizance your achievements makes you swell with pride in a good way. It enhances how you feel about yourself.
Also, take an itinerary of your skills and competencies. This will help you have a well-rounded knowledge of what you are capable of rather than having fragments of thoughts here and there which does not give you a whole perspective. This is not to say you should feel limited when you come across a job description or assignment that demands more than the skills that you have. You should know that every human, not some, have an unlimited potential. In other words, you can learn or acquire any skill that you set your heart to.
KNOW YOUR PURPOSE
A woman whose life is going somewhere is attractive. She is one of value! When you know who you are and what you are about, you will attract the right kind of people to your circle. A woman who knows who she is and where her life is going will never present her life as a doormat. You know what I mean.
Jane Egerton-Idehen recently shared a story that made me very proud of her younger self. She turned down a suitor as an undergraduate who didn’t see her beyond being a subservient housewife. So just imagine that she didn’t have a clear grasp of where her life is headed, she would have settled for that life. But no! Her perception of who she is enabled her work hard such that she has held positions of power in some fortune 500 companies. Just recently, she has joined the Facebook team for Middle East and Africa. And in all these, she is doing great at the home front!
See, we don’t make choices by mistake. Poor choices are made as a result of what is going on in the brain—what you are thinking? That is why I emphasized in the beginning that as much as you invest in your physical looks, you should invest also in your brain. It goes with you everywhere you go. But beauty fades.
I listened to a smart, hardworking and beautiful development professional who was sharing some lessons from her career journey. Something she said then carried so much weight. At one of the prestigious organizations she previously worked in, high-performing female executives in that organization do not think much of any young female professional who is just beautiful but her output or deliverables are shabby. And this professional said, “Your deliverables are your posterity”. That got me! So my dear young female professionals, put in more effort in your personal development.
Nobody will like to hang around someone who is not sure of herself. There is this aura of audacity that you carry when you are a confident lady. A confident woman will be any man’s pride any day, any time.
Also, you will need belief in yourself to be able to make giant strides in life. Fear and self-doubt will keep you in perpetual limitations. This is because you will always be afraid to take bold steps that are required for achieving your dreams and living to your full potential.
NO RESULT, NO RESPECT
I heard that phrase in a conference and it stuck. It really means every ounce of what it says. Imagine you work in a business organization and you do not contribute anything significant to the bottom line. Whenever a need arises for laying off staff to reduce cost of operation, do not be surprised if you happen to be among those that will be let go.
So, what am I saying? To be seen as valuable in any area of life whether at your place of work, amongst your circle of friends or in your professional network or most especially an intimate relationship, you need to add value – and always. Bring results! And you will always be a highly valuable individual to yourself and others who will doff their hat for you. Wouldn’t you want that?