Dear Career Enthusiasts; When to say NO to your boss!

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Have you ever said no to your boss? Earlier on in my career I had to do so, not in a direct, hair pulling, door banging kind of way, but in a politely declining your thoughts on this matter and going with my guts way!

I had been reading many leadership materials, and while I say that with the knowledge not everyone is into reading similar materials. (I have examples of great leaders that did not have to read this much and yet did amazing stuff!). However, I noticed a common thread kept re-occurring in most of these articles;

the term “self-Awareness”. Outstanding leaders are known to possess self-awareness. The ability to understand what drives them, their values, their strengths, and vulnerabilities, “what makes them tick”. This is one of the great hallmarks of leadership. This is what drives the ability to say no, even when it is targeted to a more senior authority.

I was about to make a decision my boss would oppose (disclaimer here: don’t follow suite). This was not a moral or ethical dilemma, this was more to do with “ego”…. When peoples’ egos get bruised…… because of a clash with your inner core values or passion. I was on a mission to save the world, doing something for a greater good, way beyond my official duties in my organization. The interesting thing is that it was well aligned with my organization’s goal to drive diversity and inclusion; something I was passionate about. There I was, expressing myself the way I know best, being authentic, sharing of myself. Yes, I had started a mentoring session for younger colleagues seeking to grow their careers. This is an action some bosses might find irritable to the point of intimidation. I was pairing them with employees in different product units and they had to at the end of each tenure present to the entire team and their `coach, what they had learnt. They were free to propose ways we could improve on existing issues they found. They learnt new things, got acclimatized to the organization, were engaged and productive. The organization was beginning to experience such young talent and the Human Resources team was very interested in taking over these sessions, structuring and running them.

The truth was that I was also learning from them. My new role required a high level exposure to our different product portfolios. I would not have been able to read up all the product information in the short time required. This was a quick way for me to also get a good knowledge of our entire product portfolio.

My boss probably saw this as my pet project, he wanted all eyes on the immediate goal before us with no distractions. Maybe for someone with a different approach to mentoring, this was new for him. This was informal, not the structured organization top-down driven approach. Also, we all see our work environment differently, while some people may try to use the work as a platform to merge their passions, especially where both ideals align. Others might just see it differently and seek other avenues to express their passion outside work. Being a boss myself I get it, you don’t always have to share the same deep interests with your team or subordinates even if it is one of your organization’s goals.

Learning through sharing was something that has always been my way of acquiring knowledge. I recall in my undergraduate days in university, studying Engineering; I would read the entire syllabus during vacations and in my bid to ensure I understood the concepts and tackled all the possible complex questions, I would hold discussion classes with fellow colleagues when school was in session. We would discuss and breakdown these topics, one at a time. It was fun and a very easy way for me to learn, and by my fourth year, I was standing in front of a hundred-men (yes! there were only ten women in my class) to discuss and teach these topics. That was my own way of learning and I was fortunate to realize that early on; I learn by sharing and teaching. In sharing information, I force myself to seek to understand all the extremities of the topic at hand. I needed to thoroughly prepare before these sessions, considering all the likely questions, and yes! I have had some days where I had to go back on some concepts I wrongly taught, apologize for the error and continue.

I got reflective about the entire engagement with my boss, asking myself; What could go wrong if i did continue these sessions? From my calculation, worst case I get sacked (somehow too farfetched and dramatic) or sidelined by my manager etc. So I did a mental calculation of how much I had saved up (not as much as I hoped for). How many years of school fees that could fetch me? Apparently, that was my biggest fear if I walked away. I was more worried on the impact on my kids and the disappointment to my husband (who would have to support me on another job search and probably wonder why I never thought through the entire decision before walking away from my job, trying to save the world!)

You could argue that my priorities and passion were different from my boss; which drives home our discussion on self-awareness, your ability to understand what drives you and motivates you. Your understanding of your capabilities, yet able to respect the difference that might be for others. We should be aware of what we are willing to die for, walk away from a job for and go the extra mile for. That core in us is to be nurtured, respected and not suppressed. I am a fan of Marcus Buckingham’s theory, that each adult individual possesses a certain number of fixed universal personal-character attributes, our strengths which we should focus on; the alignment creates a harmony when we bring our authentic self to work. Sometimes your line managers might not just be in alignment with that, however if your organizations value or goals are not in conflict, I think you should stand your ground.

After much soul searching, I went ahead with the decision; choosing my core and willing to face the wrath of my superior. My boss with time just got used to my pet project as he would call it. As I write this article, I wonder; maybe we have all been at this point one time or the other, in our marriage, career, partnerships, or life. The dilemma of authority versus passion or authority versus belief, forces us to look in the mirror and acknowledge who we really are. It tests our inner being: what would you do out of passion no matter what others thought about you? Once we are convinced, can we say no to a senior authority? What is it that drives you? What are you passionate about? Are you aware of your strengths?

(Credit- Ryan McGuire)

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