HOW TO GET OVER A HEART BREAK

Sometimes, getting over a heartbreak is hard. I had two wrenching heartbreaks before I got married. I quickly got over the first one. But the second, it really had me. I couldn’t eat for three days! I lost weight drastically, and the worst was that, it was at a time I was writing my penultimate year exams in college. That session’s result? It was the worst throughout my college years. Thank God I still graduated among the top of the class. It almost slipped away from my hand.

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I had met this guy in my first year. And only two months into our relationship, we got engaged. I couldn’t tell my parents or close relatives because I had a hard time getting admission into the university. So, my parents didn’t want to hear anything about having a relationship. What they wanted from me was to finish my academics in flying colors. We pushed informing them about the engagement until I was in my third year because my parents wanted me to succeed in my academics first. At least, by then, they will know I am matured enough I thought to myself.

My friends and roommates were quick to advise that it was wrong to get engaged without my parents’ knowledge. Who cared? I was head over heels in love! I just flaunted my engagement ring at every chance I got. Until the beginning of my third year. It was December and we will be going home for the holidays. I called him that I will be coming to his place first before going to my parents. But he warned that it was not a good decision. I waved aside his advice and thought to surprise him. When I arrived his house, I knocked but the door was locked. I peeped through the window of his bedroom and saw some female belongings. At first I was confused and felt I wasn’t seeing quite clearly. At this time I decided to ask the gateman of his whereabouts.

The gateman said he had left since morning. I waited for a few hours and when he drove in, behold a fair slim lady accompanied him. When they alighted, she walked inside his flat but I just stood there numbed and too shaken to move. This guy had earned my trust for the two years we dated. “Could this be happening?” I asked myself. And when I asked him why, his response was, “I told you not to come”. Wow! After a series of conversation with the lady and him, I told myself the bitter truth—it was definitely over.

I picked myself up and headed straight to my uncle’s. He was the only one I could confide in. The moment I told him the news with an outburst of tears streaming down my cheeks, he held my shoulders and looked at me straight in the eyes and said in a stern voice: “Awunli, you are a beautiful girl, you can get any man you want”.  With that, I quickly wiped my tears and gathered myself together. That ignited something in me. I didn’t feel betrayed or like a failure anymore. It was a time to dream again and stop crying over something that wasn’t meant for me in the first place.

Have you experienced a heartbreak or in a relationship where you are begging over the attention of the other person and it is giving you so much sleepless night? Life is too short to spend it over someone who doesn’t know or value your worth. A heartbreak can be heart-wrenching, so here I suggest a few ways to help you get on your feet quickly.

TIPS TO GET OVER A HEART BREAK QUICKLY!

Photo by Logan Liu

KNOW YOUR VALUE

Heard of different strokes for different folks? If you really love someone, and you do not get their attention in return, that could make you feel you are undeserving of love or you don’t worth much. I always tell young people to spend some time with themselves, so they can really know their value. I don’t give anyone the permission to walk over me. When you know your self-worth, you won’t go begging when someone says they don’t want you anymore. If you happen to get back in that relationship and you eventually get married, you will beg for their attention throughout your life. It will be as though they did you a favour to be with you. So if someone says it’s over, then let them be. Perhaps, you were never meant to be together.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

Recently, we woke up to the story of a promising young woman with two kids who was killed by her fiancé. The news had it that they have been off and on the relationship for seven years. In my opinion, those breaks in between were like a silent nudge telling her to quit the relationship.

When my uncle told me I could get any guy I want, that impacted my self-worth and esteem. Do you know this guy kept calling me to say words of love? If I had not made up my mind or didn’t know my value, I would have opened my arms wide or ran into his open arms waiting to devour me like a lion.

I told him it was over and I had to move on. If a man loves two women at the same time, then, he is a confused man. You will always love one more than the other. So just pick one and move on. When I had a chat with the other girl, it seems she was comfortable being in a relationship where the man can have flings because her dad had two wives. There is no way in this world that I would accept that so I quit.

DON’T GET INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP TOO SOON

Another relationship may seem as the perfect way to escape the hurts and loneliness that you may be experiencing but it isn’t. In fact, it is an unhealthy step to take.  Firstly, you don’t feel a genuine likeness for the new individual, so that will be unfair to that person. Secondly, if you were really in love with your ex, you will always be comparing your experience in the previous relationship to your present. This will lead your new relationship in the wrong direction. So I will advise that you give yourself time to heal.

THROW YOURSELF INTO OTHER ACTIVITIES

One of the fastest way to quickly get over a heartbreak is to occupy yourself. “An idle mind is the devils workshop”, they say. Since a vacuum has already been created, you will need to fill it so you can stay sane. Rather than staying by yourself and reminiscing the moments you had in your previous relationship, it is better to find ways to get occupied by immersing yourself in your job, community projects, time-outs with your girlfriends, time with family members etc. You need to do things to keep your mind occupied. I don’t encourage watching romantic movies or reading books of this sort at a time like this. Find healthy replacements to occupy your thoughts.

Deleting his contact and unfollowing on social media may also help as this keeps you from seeing things that may trigger feelings of sadness or make you feel you are missing out.

DON’T OVERPLAY YOUR WEAKNESSES

Because a heartbreak means what it literally implies, it can lead to depression. So, at this time, don’t overplay the many ways you were wrong or did things that triggered the breakup in the relationship. It wouldn’t help you. It will push you further into a depressive state. In my case, when his mum called me to hear my point of view, she chipped in that he had told her some things about me that he didn’t like.

I was shocked when I heard them because he had never told me about them. Perhaps, in your past relationship, you may have been told of your weaknesses but you couldn’t change. Don’t beat yourself too hard, habits take time to change. If you have acknowledged and it has been proved as a weakness that you actually have, all you have to is work on it so it doesn’t show up in your next relationship.

I hope these tips I have shared from my personal experience help someone who is trying hard to get over a heart break. You will always find someone who will love you for you. Be patient, be hopeful and celebrate yourself. You are valuable and unique.

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